The Onion

[Nick Koan]

God I love the onion.

http://www.neurosybir.net/nkoan/images/twss.jpg

[sperry]

It's funny.

They you read it to yourself a second time... and it's funnier.

[knucklesplitter]

:lol:


This is one of my all-time favs from the Onion - a little dated but it cracks me up:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38673

[Nick Koan]

This is still one of my favorites.

Area Man Goes And Gets Himself Hit By A Goddamn Bus (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29484)

[MikeK]

New Remote Control Can Be Operated By Remote (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39226)

[Nick Koan]

Also great is The Onion's AV Club.

This week they got Patton Oswalt to actually eat one of those KFC death bowls (with cheese and gravy) and write it up.

http://www.avclub.com/content/feature/a_v_club_taste_test_special_the

[Double Phister]

I saw this hanging in a Pixar office during the making of Monsters Inc.
http://imgdump.info/img-the-onion-man-walks-on-fucking-moon-8142.htm
Had to get a copy for myself. Still don't have teh balls to hang it up at work.

[Nick Koan]

Minimalist Roller Coaster Designer Refuses to Use Loops (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/72496)

[JonnydaJibba]

God I love the onion.

http://www.neurosybir.net/nkoan/images/twss.jpg

That's awesome. :lol:

[Nick Koan]

Onan the Barbarian.

Pure Genius.

[JonnydaJibba]

"throw the thing at the thing." :lol: :lol:

[Nick Koan]

Huge Animal Jumps Right Fucking Out In Front Of Area Man (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/73236)

[Nick Koan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-u8oyZAgeY

The Onion: The Movie

YES!

[MikeK]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-u8oyZAgeY

The Onion: The Movie

YES!

I want to see that Stephen Segal movie!

[100_Percent_Juice]

^"I don't think you have the balls."

[Nick Koan]

Report: 1998 Was Ten Fucking Years Ago (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75159)

[cody]

^Srsly. :(

[Nick Koan]

Some good ones from the past few weeks

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/black_guy_asks_nation_for_change)
Dancer Risks Everything (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dancer_risks_everything)
Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dipping Dots (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/time_traveler_everyone_in_the)

[van]

Election results leaked.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diebold_accidentally_leaks?utm_source=embedded_vid eo

[sperry]

Some good ones from the past few weeks

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/black_guy_asks_nation_for_change)
Dancer Risks Everything (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dancer_risks_everything)
Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dipping Dots (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/time_traveler_everyone_in_the)
The last one wasn't funny until this part:

Before he left, Wolcott also mentioned that, in the future, 99 percent of the world's population has AIDS and we are all slaves to the machines.

[MikeK]

Reminds me of this:

"When the weather get like this my aids just pop up! I'm fine now though, I took some robitussen"

Chris Rock

[MPREZIV]

let that 'Tussen soak on in to the bone!

[Nick Koan]

New Chemical Weapon 'Ennui Gas' Induces Listlessness, Dissatisfaction With Life (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_chemical_weapon_ennui_gas)

Complete with graphic!
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/New-Chemical-Jump-R.jpg

If one's skin comes into contact with the agent, the physical effects are more severe. These include a sudden numbing of the very soul, a feeling that one is being crushed under the weight of the emptiness all around him, and mild eye irritation.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/gates.jpg

[Nick Koan]

Convicted Forger Freed By Presidential Pardon (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/78053)

[Kevin M]

Good grief... please tell me that was not actually the President's voice... :lol:

[Nick Koan]

This one is just tasteless (and hilarious).

-- (looks like the video was deleted) --

[Nick Koan]

This one is so gross its awesome :D

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Nick Koan]

Evil Red Wings Owner Wario Lemieux Steals Stanley Cup (http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/evil_red_wings_owner_wario)

[MikeK]

'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Nick Koan]

Video:

Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Nick Koan]

Video:
Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[JonnydaJibba]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-u8oyZAgeY

The Onion: The Movie

YES!

That movie was great.

"Naw BITCH, I ain't here to rob you! I want a mothafuckin job!":lol:

[Nick Koan]

"How's a brother supposed to make his way in this world on handouts? I need job skills motherfucker"

[MikeK]

Seize the day! (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/carpe_diem_says_man_who_spent)

[Nick Koan]

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[100_Percent_Juice]

:lol: "police warn that the SUDOKU killer will kill either 1, 4, or 9 victims next."

[MikeK]

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[supraluke]

The one on the ninja parade was the best. I still laugh just thinking about it.

[Dean]

Dorm Fire:

Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Nick Koan]

I don't know why the Fast Food ones are so interesting to me:

Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature | The Onion - America's Finest News Source@@AMEPARAM@@image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion. com%2Fcontent%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2FGREEN_MENU_articl e.frontpage_thumbnail.jpg&videoid=96591&title=Taco+Bell%27s+New+Green+Menu+Takes+No+Ingred ients+From+Nature@@AMEPARAM@@GREEN_MENU_article@@A MEPARAM@@96591@@AMEPARAM@@Taco+Bell%27s+New+Green+ Menu+Takes+No+Ingredients+From+Nature

[sybir]

Because they're too close to true stories :lol::lol:

[Nick Koan]

Biden Requests To Be Named Special Envoy To Reno (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/biden_requests_to_be_named?utm_source=a-section)

WASHINGTON—Saying there are national security matters that "need sorting out down there," Vice President Joe Biden requested Friday an appointment as special envoy to the city of Reno, NV. Saying he had already done some of the preliminary work necessary to establish relations with the city, Biden assured President Obama that he had even made significant headway with a local dignitary named Candi. "Though the United States has not, historically, found it necessary to establish diplomatic relations within our own boundaries, the vice president did make a very convincing argument," White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said. "Although I'm not sure why he was so insistent about getting diplomatic immunity for the weekend." While Obama was noncommittal about the appointment, he did grant Biden the special 26E2BVP license plate the vice president had been asking about for months.

[Dean]

Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Pretty funny stuff if you know about the PETA ads (http://www.peta.org/content/standalone/VeggieLove/)

[100_Percent_Juice]

I'd rather be raped than wear fur. :lol:

[Nick Koan]

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/meth_addicts_demand_government)

[sybir]

Tweaker's Rights Now Now Now Now Now Now Now Now Now Now Now Now!

[Nick Koan]

A 45,000-word proposal was drafted by members of TRN during a marathon, 72-hour meeting under the Roosevelt Bridge, and presented twice to the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. The document, which includes schematics for the development of a giant "spider bomb" the size of Rhode Island, concludes repeatedly that the problem would best be combated with large quantities of methamphetamines and steel wool.

[Nick Koan]

Fork Manufacturer Introduces Fifth Tine To Accommodate Growing American Mouthfuls (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/fork_manufacturer)

EVANSVILLE, IN—In an effort to keep pace with the rapid growth of American mouthfuls, flatware manufacturer KitchenMaster announced yesterday the addition of a fifth tine to its line of dinner forks. "These days, a traditional four-tined fork is just not enough to handle the quantities of food people shove down their throats," said company spokesman Ken Krimstein, holding up a fork supporting six separate tortellini, two turkey sausages, and some mashed potatoes. "To stay relevant to our customer base and bring back some of those who have given up on using utensils entirely, this was an adjustment we just had to make." Krimstein added that the augmented forks would soon be followed by 25 percent deeper spoons and 3-gallon gravy boats.

[cody]

Sweet, I can stop using a pitch fork!

[Nick Koan]

I thought this one was pretty funny

Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five"

http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/

(though, funnier in concept than in execution, which is true for a lot of The Onion)

[A1337STI]

good for a laugh, that's for sure!