WELL! Belt snapped! There's teeth missing from multiple spots around the belt, (which *could* be due to the gears flopping around on it after it lost tension) and burnt up belt residue all over the inside of the cover.
I'll slap a new belt and tensioner on there in the AM (checked all the other pulleys, everything looks/feels fine) and check everything out to make sure there's nothing else. Should be good tho.
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"...these condoms have a topical anesthetic to reduce sensitivity, so you can last longer. What a paradox. You can't feel a thing, but you can f*ck for HOURS..."
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