Nice Dean!
Your car is so slow...
...its 0-60 time is measured by geologists.
...it can break the speed limit only if it's dropped out of a plane.
...hitchhikers ask if you'd like to get out and walk with them 'cause it'll be faster.
...turning on your headlights stops the car.
...your gear lever is labled "Park" and "Really Park".
...using the restroom before a trip doubles its top speed.
...you get revved on by kids on Big-Wheels.
...Car & Driver started their road-test in 1969, and they hope to have the numbers for the March 2006 issue.
...deer caught in the headlights laugh at you, then call their friends over to come and see.
...you lost the race by 4 "wheel-chair lengths".
...old people give *you* the finger.
...you have to carry chains in July in case you don't make it home before it snows.
...the spiders living in your rims are barely dizzy.
...your trunkmonkey is actually the more affordable "trunksloth".
...your wife not only gave birth in the back seat on the way to the hospital, she had time to concieve and give birth a second time.
...hitting a cone hurts your time because now you have to back up and drive around it.
Okay, I'm spent...