[Dean]

First, I claim no responsability for "metric assload" nor any interpretation thereof.

I too beleive shitload is valuable for anything much over a couple. Pleathora is a useful alternative in polite company.

The polite form of cunt hair is smidge.
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As far as conversions go... I have done these in terms you shold be familiar with.

Smidge/cunt hair = distance Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter", considers safe to hold his baby to a crocodile.

Hunk = the amount af flesh a baby crocodile can take out of Steve Irwin's hand when he gets a smidge to close.

Chunk = The amount of flesh Terri Irwin took out of Steve Irwin after having their baby near a crocodile.

Bunch = The number of shrimp you need for the barby for four adults.

A whole bunch = The number of shrimp you need to keep an crocodile from eating you after Steve Irwin locks you in their pen after you made fun of him.

Shitload =
___1. What you have in your pants after Steve Irwin locks you in a crocodile pen and you ain't got no shrimp!
___2. How much whoop ass you are going to give Steve Irwin if you get out!