This one is a bit long, but I think it's worth it...
So this guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. He sits down and orders a drink. The monkey climbs down on the bar and starts going around eating all the peanuts. The bartender tells the guy "Hey, your monkey is eating all the customer's peanuts!" The guy replies "Yeah, sorry about that. He likes to eat things that he shouldn't. Let me pay you for the trouble." So the guy pays for the peanuts and his drink and leaves.
The guy and the monkey return the next day. The guy orders a drink, and the monkey climbs down and runs over to the pool table. He proceeds to swallow down the cue ball whole. Now the bartender is getting sort of upset and yells at the guy "Your monkey just ate my cue ball!" The guys says "I'm really sorry, this stupid monkey just can't help himself." So he pays the bartender for his drink and the cue ball and they leave again.
About a week goes by before the guy and his monkey return to the bar. The guy sits and orders a drink, and the monkey gets down on the bar again. He runs over to the bowl of cherries, and sticks one up his butt, then takes it out and eats it. The bartender sees this and is disgusted. He yells at the guy "Your stupid nasty monkey just stuck a cherry up his ass and then ate it!" The guy looks up and says "Doesn't really surprise me. Ever since he had to shit that cue ball out last week he's been sizing up everything he eats. I guess he's smarter than I thought he was."
