The History of the USDM Impreza Part II: The Dark Ages - Subaru Enthusiasts Car Club of the Sierras

JC · 2006-01-07, 09:08 PM

Spurred by a GC owner who shall rename anonymous telling me she liked bugeyes, I've decided to continue my epic telling of Impreza history. It's late so I'll probably add more later.

By late 2000, it was decided that the Impreza needed a restyling to keep up with the market. To lead the project Subaru executives contacted the Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa Hospital and arranged for the release of Takeshi Ito. After getting drunk and freebasing coke with some hookers, he got to work.

As a slap in the face to every true enthusiast, Subaru desecrated the RS moniker by applying it to the restyled L. The L was available as a sedan or wagon and received the 2.5l EJ25 motor and new 16x6.5" wheels. Shown below, the L had an optional wing and fog lights.

Ito knew the WRX was going to be introduced to the US market, so it needed some american flair in the form of horrible styling and watered down JDM engineering. Adding a scooped hood, sideskirts, and a wing, the WRX is shown below with optional 17" wheels.

Despite the weak transmission and laggy 2.0l EJ20, the ignorant masses bought the WRX and it's non-turbo breathern in droves. Many ricers sold their CRX Type-Rs and their white trash DSMs and steeped up to the WRX.

It seemed that the Subaru brand would be forever tarnished, until a bright spot in this tail of horror emerged. The youth of america had had enough of what had become of the Impreza. After working hard to get all Cs, they convinced their parents to buy them WRXs. Then while showing off their mad tite skillz to the girls at the local middle school, they wrecked them. Their selfless sacrifices will be forever remembered by Subaru enthusiasts.

Subaru is a very charitable organization, so in 2003 they decided to create a special Eric Rosenthal edition. This was essentially a regular WRX painted MDRI yellow, nicknamed sonic yellow by owners. A prototype drawing is shown below.

random facts:

It's a common misconception that the 02-03 Impreza is nicknamed bugeye because of it's headlights resemblance to a bug's eyes. This is wholly un-true. Bugeye is actually a bastardization of the nickname bug eye'd. This came about because the reaction when one sees the car for the first time is the same as when one "eyes a bug", in that they are so offended by it's grotesque appearance they feel the inextricable need to smash it.

The 2.5RS was built for twice as many years as the bug eye'd WRX, yet is significantly more than twice as good.

Nick Koan · 2006-01-07, 09:37 PM

I'm rolling over here.

sperry · 2006-01-07, 09:44 PM

JC... even as a bugeye owner, you've got me rolling. This, plus the AtomicLabMonkey mullet rant puts you at #1 for the funniest shit so far this year.

MattR · 2006-01-07, 09:48 PM

Hi.

M3n2c3 · 2006-01-08, 01:00 AM

I run my PC on my widescreen tv, so I didn't even see the pix of the Neons until I had read the first three paragraphs. It was already funny, and then I scrolled down. POW. Hahahah!

qksubi · 2006-01-08, 10:35 AM

Nick Koan · 2006-01-08, 10:37 AM

Nice short bus update

cody · 2006-01-08, 11:07 AM

Psshh...whatever.

GC8.Love · 2006-01-08, 11:29 AM

Heh heh. I'm kind of glad I woke up to this..

Ezdno · 2006-01-08, 04:15 PM

You know that car looks more like the Legacy. The scoop I mean.

tysonK · 2006-01-08, 05:35 PM

I owned a NEON before my 03! woah.

MPREZIV · 2006-01-09, 07:32 AM

JC, that's fucking great! You've got me rolling here!

2006-01-07, 09:37 PM	#2
Nick Koan JDM Cowboy Real Name: Nick Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 8,642 Car: 2015 Mazda 3	I'm rolling over here. __________________ While a standard engine is powered by a belt connected to the crankshaft, a turbo engine runs on its own exhaust steam, making it more energy efficient. -- CNN

2006-01-07, 09:44 PM	#3
sperry The Doink Real Name: Scott Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 20,335 Car: '09 OBXT, '02 WRX, '96 Miata Class: PDX/TT-6 The way out is through	JC... even as a bugeye owner, you've got me rolling. This, plus the AtomicLabMonkey mullet rant puts you at #1 for the funniest shit so far this year. __________________ Is you is, or is you ain't, my con-stit-u-ints?

2006-01-07, 09:48 PM	#4
MattR El Matador Real Name: Matt Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 10,660 Car: 2012 Toyota Tacoma Class: ?	Hi. __________________ "Dallas..We have a problem.”

2006-01-08, 01:00 AM	#5
M3n2c3 EJ205 Real Name: Jeremiah Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Lubbock, TX Posts: 1,888 Car: Current: 2014 Forester 2.5i Premium. Old: 2005 Impreza 2.5RS, 2000 Forester L Class: RNP, long ago (see motto) "Kids are ruining autocross."	I run my PC on my widescreen tv, so I didn't even see the pix of the Neons until I had read the first three paragraphs. It was already funny, and then I scrolled down. POW. Hahahah! __________________ Small red text that looks curious at first glance but is ultimately inconsequential

2006-01-08, 10:37 AM	#7
Nick Koan JDM Cowboy Real Name: Nick Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 8,642 Car: 2015 Mazda 3	Nice short bus update __________________ While a standard engine is powered by a belt connected to the crankshaft, a turbo engine runs on its own exhaust steam, making it more energy efficient. -- CNN

2006-01-07, 09:08 PM	#1
JC Ask me about dubs! Real Name: JC Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Orange, CA Posts: 2,895 Car: 2013 Triumph Speed Triple R	The History of the USDM Impreza Part II: The Dark Ages Spurred by a GC owner who shall rename anonymous telling me she liked bugeyes, I've decided to continue my epic telling of Impreza history. It's late so I'll probably add more later. By late 2000, it was decided that the Impreza needed a restyling to keep up with the market. To lead the project Subaru executives contacted the Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa Hospital and arranged for the release of Takeshi Ito. After getting drunk and freebasing coke with some hookers, he got to work. As a slap in the face to every true enthusiast, Subaru desecrated the RS moniker by applying it to the restyled L. The L was available as a sedan or wagon and received the 2.5l EJ25 motor and new 16x6.5" wheels. Shown below, the L had an optional wing and fog lights. Ito knew the WRX was going to be introduced to the US market, so it needed some american flair in the form of horrible styling and watered down JDM engineering. Adding a scooped hood, sideskirts, and a wing, the WRX is shown below with optional 17" wheels. Despite the weak transmission and laggy 2.0l EJ20, the ignorant masses bought the WRX and it's non-turbo breathern in droves. Many ricers sold their CRX Type-Rs and their white trash DSMs and steeped up to the WRX. It seemed that the Subaru brand would be forever tarnished, until a bright spot in this tail of horror emerged. The youth of america had had enough of what had become of the Impreza. After working hard to get all Cs, they convinced their parents to buy them WRXs. Then while showing off their mad tite skillz to the girls at the local middle school, they wrecked them. Their selfless sacrifices will be forever remembered by Subaru enthusiasts. Subaru is a very charitable organization, so in 2003 they decided to create a special Eric Rosenthal edition. This was essentially a regular WRX painted MDRI yellow, nicknamed sonic yellow by owners. A prototype drawing is shown below. random facts: It's a common misconception that the 02-03 Impreza is nicknamed bugeye because of it's headlights resemblance to a bug's eyes. This is wholly un-true. Bugeye is actually a bastardization of the nickname bug eye'd. This came about because the reaction when one sees the car for the first time is the same as when one "eyes a bug", in that they are so offended by it's grotesque appearance they feel the inextricable need to smash it. The 2.5RS was built for twice as many years as the bug eye'd WRX, yet is significantly more than twice as good. __________________ Actually, I am a rocket scientist. Last edited by JC; 2006-01-08 at 09:20 AM.

2006-01-08, 10:35 AM	#6
qksubi Assault Mechanic Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Reno Posts: 996 Car: 13 Sti Hatch Satin white Class: TBSP/TT-2 Aim for the EYES!

2006-01-08, 11:07 AM	#8
cody Candy Mountain Real Name: Cody Join Date: May 2005 Location: Californication Posts: 7,751 Car: 03 Pussy Wagon, now with more pink! Class: TESP OMG Internet!	Psshh...whatever. __________________ Slow and low, that is the tempo.

2006-01-08, 11:29 AM	#9
GC8.Love EJ22 Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 339 Car: '01 STM Impreza 2.5 RS ; '96 "Junior Mints" colored Impreza Brighton - "Bowl of Wet Spaghetti" Class: We got classes?	Heh heh. I'm kind of glad I woke up to this..

2006-01-08, 04:15 PM	#10
Ezdno EJ251 Real Name: Dean W. Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: So close to hell you can see Sparks! Posts: 541 Car: 1992 F250 1T Monster Class: none They were all dead when I got here!	You know that car looks more like the Legacy. The scoop I mean. __________________ Don't interupt me while I am ignoring you!

2006-01-08, 05:35 PM	#11
tysonK warehouse SECCS Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: SoCal... Posts: 6,253 Car: 04 Evo 99 Cadillac Class: street de le mod	I owned a NEON before my 03! woah. __________________ Anjali? Anjali?

2006-01-09, 07:32 AM	#12
MPREZIV Token Real Name: Le Stig Afrique? Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: sitting next to a big yellow box Posts: 3,589 Car: 2001 Impreza 2.5 RS Class: 05 TDSP No, I won't work on your car. F your car*	JC, that's fucking great! You've got me rolling here! __________________ "...these condoms have a topical anesthetic to reduce sensitivity, so you can last longer. What a paradox. You can't feel a thing, but you can f*ck for HOURS..."

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
The History of the USDM Impreza as told by JC...	JC	General Subaru Discussion & Club Chat	67	2010-09-13 08:05 PM